10. O Holiday Tree 9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter 8. Frosty the Snowperson 7. Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained, Continuously Monitored, Eco-friendly, Non-toxic Outdoor Fire (for Which I Do Have a Permit) 6. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 5. Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-Human Perpetrator 4. Deck the Halls with Boughs of Unendangered Foliage (If Office Policy Permits) 3. Hark! The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings 2. I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus with a Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Mutual Affection 1. Ill Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December Hope your holiday rocks.
Hark! How the chins, Upside-down chins, Smooth or with beard, All will be heard! Christmas is here. Bringing good cheer. Lips, teeth, and tongue, Songs will be sung. Round and oblong, Singing their song, Whiskers or not, Chins sing a lot. One seems to hear, Words of good cheer, From every chin, Singing again. Oh! how they sing. Voices do ring. O'er nose and face, Going every place. Gaily mouths chew, While chins renew. Goodwill and cheer, Christmas is here. Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas. Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas. Oh, how the chins, Sing with their grins, Their melody, So chinfully Merry Christmas!
For Christmas this year, we give you the top-five pick-up lines at the North Pole . . .
No. 5: My name is Binkie the Elf---you'll want to remember that 'cause you'll be screaming it later tonight.
No. 4: Somewhere there's a Christmas tree missin' an angel, 'cause I'm lookin' at one right now!
No. 3: If I told you you had a nice body, would you pick me up and hold it against me?
No. 2: Did you come here straight from Santa's workshop 'cause you're a real doll!
No. 1: Elves might be short, but we're NOT "small."
Wishing you a great Christmas---and that's no line!
All the toys have been made.
The sleigh is packed and ready.
Youre invited to help Santa's crew
blow off some steam
with their annual Elf Toss.
Merry Christmas!
Santa's Workshop: Sexual Harassment Seminar.
Leroy: Attention fellow elves. Attention. Miss Feinberg is here from the Human Resources Department to lead our sexual harassment seminar.
Good, bad, or somewhere in-between? Where do you land on Santas Naughty or Nice List? To find out, just answer a few questions the elves have for you!