ecard: Ask Cupid

complete verse:

And now, it’s time for ASK CUPID, starring everybody’s favorite God of Love, CUPID! Hey, out there you lovers, sweethearts, suitors, wooers, and swains. Swains? What the heck’s a swain? Did I say that? It’s your old buddy Cupid here. Are you looking for that special someone? Some hunk or honey you can…you know. You KNOW what I’m talkin’ about. Or maybe you want give your current relationship a little extra… Well, you’ve come to the right place. Cause I got the answers to your questions d’amour. That means “of love.” Let’s see what’s in the ol’ mailbag, shall we? Hmm. Lance from Los Angeles writes: “Dear Cupid, My girlfriend’s measurements are 38-24-36. She’s tall and blonde and beautiful wants me to move into her mansion with her and her twin sister. I don’t know what to do. Can you help?” Yeah, Lance. I can help. Run! Run as fast as you can away from that situation! It’s not healthy. And send me your girlfriend’s phone number. I want to give her a piece of my… (slide whistle SFX) mind. MIND. I said MIND! (looks around, worried) Who’s next? Candy from Kentucky writes: “Dear Cupid, My husband thinks he’s a Chihuahua. What can I do?” Chihuahua, huh? Okay. One more. Let’s see… Someone named Deedee from Des Moines writes: “Dear Cupid, I’m in love, but I’m not sure my love loves me, or even knows I’m in love. I’d love to love my love and would love to be loved. I love love. How do I find love?” Geez. I’m the freakin’ GOD of Love, and you’re making ME sick. Listen, Deedee, if that’s your real name, you don’t find love; love finds you. Sit back, and I’ll see what I can do. Okay? Geez. So that’s it for now. But Valentine’s Day is coming, and you may see me in YOUR neighborhood. I may even come to see YOU. And then maybe YOU could… Happy Valentine’s Day!