'Tis a fine day at sea, me matey, RECIPIENT -- Ship shape and the skies be clear. We're celebratin' OCCASION Heave ho, ye buccaneer! So raise your mug of BEVERAGE, Before it's too late, me hearty. SENDER would like to say, "Come on, let's have a party!" RECIPIENT
Hey there (recipient's name) Today is (occasion) Wanna send a little slice of paradise your way! Straight from (sender's name) Hope you're (favorite activity) Do whatever you want, cause it's a special day! Out at the tiki hut, Take a drink from a coconut! Sing songs by the ocean front, for you. These sunny skies -- so blue, A little bar with an ocean view, Singin' this song, just for you. Sending a little song just for you!
It's time to get funky, (recipient's name)! Yow! Hey! Hey! Hey! Come on! We gotta, gotta sing about (special occasion)! Let's celebrate! This is gonna be great! Cut loose! And go (favorite activity) You're the greatest one around! Put on your (favorite clothes) Can you dig what I'm puttin' down! Let's get funky! Wow! I'll say it again (special occasion)! Wow! Hear me now! Have a funkadelic day!
So, Im running around like a CRAZY woman, trying to get WAY more done than is humanly possible... when suddenly MY PHONE RINGS and I think oh no, WHAT NOW?! But then I see its YOU and I SMILE, and, for a while anyway, things arent quite so hectic... You lift my mood and keep me laughing through the chaos. What more could anyone ask for in a FRIEND?
Its time to test your concentration with THE ULTIMATE DISTRACTION GAME! Think you have amazing powers of concentrations? Prove it! See if you can resist the eye candy and spot the details. Well let you know how you did at the end! Youll have 5 seconds to look at an image START NOW! Just wanted you to know I was "remembering" you! Have a Nice Day!
The threat is real. In homes across the worldAt any momentWithout warningRenegade hormones can ATTACK! That's why the Homelife Security PMS Advisory System was developed. The Homelife Security PMS Advisory System is designed to help often-complacent males recognize the PMS warning signs and become better prepared in the event of an attack. SEVERE - Secure objects that may be thrown. - Hide all sharp implements. - Hide yourself. - Close windows (so that neighbors can't hear ranting, raving, and crying) - Be prepared to flee at a moment's notice. HIGH - Expect wild mood swings. - Bloating may cause attacks on closets, drawers, and significant others. - Keeping your mouth shut is a solid contingency plan. - Stock large quantities of chocolate. ELEVATED - You may think it's only "that time," but PMS attacks can occur spontaneously. - Avoid flip comments and lame attempts at humor. - Approach with caution. - Be prepared for general weepiness. - Memorize escape routes. GUARDED - Hormones happen. - You can relax somewhat, but it's wise to be on guard! - Review emergency procedures. - Practice protective responses such us ducking and groveling. LOW - The evil twin has disappeared.(That was sooo last week) - Things are calm and normal behavior patterns reestablished. - Apologies are accepted and all is well - for now! Just remember - hormones are out there, AND THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! No cause for alarm - Just saying "Hi."
If I could, Id find a fairy godmother with a magical wand and combat boots so that she could grant your wishes and kick the crap out of anything that tried to get in the way of your happiness. But in the meantime, I got your back.
Friends go together like peanut butter and jelly! Okay, so maybe the peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth . . . and the jelly gets all over the place . . . and the whole thing is just one sticky, chaotic mess, but, hey -- that's the beauty of friendship.
Camera pans through a gallery of classics. Ruben-type painting: Does this frame make my butt look big? Venus on the Half Shell: Girls, I totally need to work on my tanspray or tanning bed? Cut to: Munchs Scream: Aaaaaaaaah! What happened to you?! Pan Across: Picasso (sighs glumly): Botox gone bad. End Tag: I wouldnt change a thing about our friendship!
Best friends like you no matter how you look. I was exposed to gamma rays, and I grew a second head. That's a good look for you! Best friends don't mind doing weird stuff with you. I thought it might be fun to build a fortress out of cheddar cheese. Cool! I'll go get my grater! Best friends stand by you no matter what. I accidentally robbed a bank... Hey, we all have bad days. Best friends do favors for you. Quick! I need five thousand dollars, twelve pairs of green socks and a live chicken... Here you go. I threw in an extra pair of green socks, just in case... Best friends always know just what to say. My boss is a jerk. Let's go toilet paper his yard then come and make s'mores! Everybody should have a best friend. Thanks for being there for me. No problem! And here, I burned you a cd of your favorite songs... Thanks for being the best of the best of the best friends!
This is me. This is me with PMS. This is me with a zit. This is me cloned. This is me surfing EBay. This is me with a bad fake tan. This is me circa 1977. This is me retaining water. This is me in a high school. This is me with a face lift. This is me without electrolysis. This is me with a mullet. This is me with a vibrating cell phone. This is me morphed with a chicken.