Americans! Listen up! I want YOU to have a Happy Fourth of July. That's a request directly from your Uncle Sam. Go out and romp and frolic. Or if you're too tired, you can simply cavort. Or repose yourself upon the reclining object of your choosing. And don't forget to fire up that grill. Throw a horseshoe. Have a barbeque. Throw a horseshoe at the barbeque. I don't care. Just have fun. Indulge in your cold beverage of preference. And, by all means, enjoy some fireworks. Yes, Americans, I want YOU to celebrate Independence Day. Because without Independence Day, we'd all be drinking tea and eating crumpets and fish and chips like a bunch of Queen-lovin' pudding-slurpers! That's right. You heard me. Now get out there and have a Happy Fourth of July!
We do it all because we're dads. Because we're dads! Because we're dads! We do it all because we're dads! Well Mr. Construction Is what my friends call me 'Cause all of the jobs I do are so manly, But find me at home And you'll probably see I'm the number one client at my daughter's tea party. If it's broken, we can fix it Duct tape makes it all work fine. There's no need to read a recipe -- They're just a waste of time. Do not tell Mom! We're your biggest fan, we know the score to every game you play, If your diaper's kinda smelly, Well, we'll make it go away. We don't mean to embarrass you when driving you to school... Because we're dads! Because we're dads! We do it all because we're dads! Because we're dads! Because we're dads! We do it all because we're dads! Happy "Dads" Day!
10. O Holiday Tree 9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter 8. Frosty the Snowperson 7. Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained, Continuously Monitored, Eco-friendly, Non-toxic Outdoor Fire (for Which I Do Have a Permit) 6. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 5. Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-Human Perpetrator 4. Deck the Halls with Boughs of Unendangered Foliage (If Office Policy Permits) 3. Hark! The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings 2. I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus with a Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Mutual Affection 1. Ill Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December Hope your holiday rocks.
Moms are loving, Ever-caring, Really understanding, too. There with love when things go either Really good or bad for you. Even when you wouldn't wash up, Clean your room, or just say "please," Mom was there with love and guidance During trying times like these. Moms will always clap the loudest, When you've given it your all, Even when you were quite little, Mom made you feel 10-feet tall. So we honor Mom and thank her Each year on this week in May, And wish her with all our hearts A truly classic Mother's Day! Enjoy Your Day!
Aint got no room for haters Cuz Im spreadin the love As Im rainin down my arrows From the heavens above When I send one in the air, its like an angel chorus sings Cuz I got ice on my nappies & bling on my wings. See, Im Q to the P to the I to tha D My aim is true, and yall agree Yeah, Q to the P to the I to tha D Its Valentines Day, yall, thanks to me. Yea, February One-Four is my day to shine Seen around the world on lotsa Valentines Blessin all yer candy hearts with my Heavenly flows, & Lyrics silky-smoother than a thorn-less rose. Do my fly-bys, then sip up on some pink champagne, In My Crib on Cloud Nine Just off of Lovers Ln. See, Im Q to the P to the I to tha D My aim is true, and yall agree Yeah, Q to the P to the I to tha D & Thats My Valentines Rapping Spree. Happy Valentine's Day, Yo!
Cant wait for the date its nearly here. Love the mood, love the food at this time of year Need a plan for the clan when they gather near. Soon well dine on Thanksgiving Day! Time to shop, time to chop, time to stuff a bird. Roast and baste, salt to taste, check the temperature. Make the sides, bake the pies, keep the gravy stirred. Soon well dine on Thanksgiving Day. Turkeys done, got to run clean the mess and greet the guests, when they come to the door. Time to eat, find a seat, make a toast to our fine host (and check the football score!) Say the grace, keep the pace time to carve so we dont starve Do you want dark or light? Pass the peas and cranberries Got our eyes on the pies May we please take a bite? Were thankful for all that weve been given yes were thankful that if we overeat well be forgiven Cause thanks-giv-ing comes but once a year to celebrate with those so dear and we must state: That as our waistline expands, were grateful for our stretchy pants. Oh, snap! Were hoping that with all the bloat we dont look like a Macys float! Now its time for a nap. Tooooo-morrow when our coma lifts Its to the mall for Christmas gifts This holiday was off the hook, well worth the time and work it took! and look be sure you dont forget to kiss the cook! tag: However you spend it, hope your Thanksgiving is happy!
Thanks for being organized when others fail to be. Thanks for your leadership and strong integrity. Thanks for all the things you do with never a complaint. Thanks for being cool and calm and showing such restraint. Thanks for your support and all the wisdom that you share. But, mostly, thank you very much for always being there! You deserve to have an awesome Boss's Day.
Who gets up each day, just to earn his pay? Who's fearless and dependable and true? Who's the MVP of his family? Dad is, that's who! If you need advice With some tech device, he's up to every task. If you're stuck, or you Need a buck or two? You only have to ask. Who should just unwind, have a rest, recline? Take a break from all he does the whole year through? Yes -- who's number one for the things he's done? Dad is, that's who Dad is -- that's YOU!! Relax -- you've earned it! Happy Father's Day
Wellllllllllllllllllllll theres Cabbage and shamrocks and Irish hearts prancing and claddagh rings (dandy for handy romancing) and lucks all around us with leprechauns dancing plus lots of good wishes for Saint Patricks Day Theres wolfhounds and Guinness and music quite airy and corned beef a-cooking and smiles all merry parades in the morning from Dublin to Derry plus happy good wishes for Saint Patricks Daaaaaaaaaaaaay!
It's Thanksgiving! What are you thankful for? I'm thankful for the extra naptime! I'm thankful for the extra leftovers! I'm thankful for this great disguise! I'm thankful for wonderful people like you! Wishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving!
How the Easter Bunny Got His Job Easter Egg Delivery Specialist Tryouts Guy in Red Suit Next Please Dude in Diaper Thats not right. Short Green Guy Uh, thanks, well let you know. Ridiculously Large Bunny Perfect! When can you start? Just Wanted to Deliver an Easter Wish: Have a Good One!
Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a handsome man who appreciated women for their minds. A man who preferred brains and a sense of humor over a roll in the hay, a man in search of commitment... Thought you might enjoy a good fairy tale on Valentine's Day!
OK...Scary. Alright - 1, 2, 3, Go! I'm a scary bat, eek, eek eek, give me some candy or I'll bite some holes in you. Are you scared? No? OK. I am death at your doorstep. I'll get you my pretty. I am 100 years old - that's 700 in dog years. You were playing with the Ouija board and now you must pay! I am not a dog with a sheet, I am an evil ghost. Am I scaring you yet? How 'bout now? I saw you flinch! Boo! Eek! Rawr! Oh man. Mom, you're not making my costumes any more, I can't scare anybody. Wishing you a little fright on Halloween night!
Ill pick my socks up, Moms not my maid, I should ignore the things my weird friends do. So many nights wide awake she laid, Would I come home with piercings or tattoos? The years are passing, they go so fast, Im glad Mom emphasized the Golden Rule. But I was worried and glad she passed On that threat of military school. (The years are passing, they go so fast,) (Im glad Mom emphasized the Golden Rule.) (But I was worried and glad she passed) Wheres mom? (On that threat of military school.) We know a mothers work is never done, Shes always helping, right from the start When theres a problem, shes always calm, Theres nothing tender as a mothers heart. (But when theres trouble or we feel distress,) Be calm (Theres one thing that we all know for sure) Heres mom! (Well need our mothers to clean up the mess.) Theres one thing that we all know for sure Nothings tender as a mothers heart! Wishing you a relaxing, trouble-free Mothers Day. Click here for a special message (OPTIONAL)
Mother -- Chef -- Chauffer -- Employee -- Nurse -- Coach -- Cheerleader -- Tutor -- Maid -- Secretary -- Friend -- Happy Mother's Day to a woman who wears a lot of hats. --...which explains why you need so many shoes!
Passover's coming, Everyone's running, Preparing something for the Seder meal! Matzo-balls are stewing Chicken-soup is brewing, Everything we're doing With a special zeal! Quick, set the Seder plate, Hurry, it's getting late, Shank bone... roasted egg... Where's the bitter herb!? Cover the matzos up, Fill up Elijah's cup, Chop some potatoes up, Those will be superb! Oh! No! One hour to go! Make charoset and some moror! Sweep the kitchen! Wash the floor-or! Cut horseradish if you're able! Put Haggadahs on the table! Pour the wine! Pour the wine! Collapse... and... have... a... great... night! Happy Passover!
Easter Bunnies, we are Easter Bunnies Easter bunnies, that is what we are. Easter candy, we bring Easter candy Easter candy... I got some in my car! Chocolate eggs and jelly beans The finest Easter Day cuisine Chocolate eggs jelly beans Easter Day fine cuisine O-o-o-o-oh... Easter Bunnies, we are Easter Bunnies We hop along the Bunny Trail right into your backyard. Easter Bunnies, we are pink and fuzzy Pink and fuzzy, and we have big ears. Easter candy, we bring Easter candy Easter candy... We chose this for careers! Easter baskets, colored eggs We hop around on bunny legs Easter baskets colored eggs Hop around bunny legs Chocolate eggs jelly beans Easter Day fine cuisine O-o-o-o-oh... Easter Bunnies, we are Easter Bunnies Easter bunnies, that is what we are.