Cover Verse: An optimist sees the glass as half full... A pessimist sees the glass as half empty... Inside Verse: A mother sees the glass of someone who didn't finish their drink, pick up their glass, or put it in the dishwasher. Happy Mother's Day!
Cover Verse: On Father's Day... I wanna thank you for teaching me so many valuable lessons, like... Inside Verse: "Money doesn't grow on chickens before they're hatched." "Two wrongs don't make a penny earned." "The early bird gets a job worth doing well." ...and you thought everything you said went in one ear and walked a mile in their shoes. Enjoy Your Day!
Cover Verse: M is for the Many Meals you made me... O is for how Often I was bad... T is for the Times I Tried your patience... H is for your Hugs when I was sad... E is for your Energy and Effort, and all the Extra-special things you do... R is for this Rhyme that you are Reading... Inside Verse: ...and to say I'm really glad my Mom is you. Happy Mother's Day
Cover Verse: MOM, I can't imagine what LIFE would be like without you... Inside Verse: I'd probably be eating candy I got from a stranger, talking with my mouth full, and waving around sharp objects while I sit too close to the TV in yesterday's underwear. Thanks, and Happy Mother's Day!
Cover Verse: Happy Mother's Day, Janet I hope you know that all of your hard work has not gone unnoticed. Inside Verse: I've been watching you from the couch during commercials. Hey, you missed a spot...
Cover Verse: Remember when there were only three TV channels? Remember when music came on vinyl? Remember when the only computer you had in your home was, maybe, a calculator? Inside Verse: Remember when people used to give you presents on your birthday, instead of just cards? Ah, the good ol'days... Anyway, Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: From Rover A Lucky Dogs Tale on Mothers Day For fondly telling stories of my antics as a pup, For knowing yummy dog treats are the way to cheer me up... Inside Verse: For cleaning all the mud when I forget to wipe my paws, For taking time to scratch my ears and cuddle just because, For comforting my worries when were driving to the vet, For giving me the words of praise that others may forget, For showing me you love me in so many different ways Im wishing you the happiest and best of Mothers Days!
Cover Verse: For Father's Day, the Top Ten Ways You and I Are Alike: 10. We both like to stick our heads out the car window and bark at other drivers. 9. There's nothing more comforting to us than napping in front of the T.V. 8. Others get impatient waiting for us to finish going potty. 7. We've both been in the doghouse at one time or another. 6. We make warm, furry bed partners. 5. Sometimes we beg for extra scraps of food. 4. You fix things - I'm a fixed thing. 3. We both like to sit around and scratch ourselves. 2. We whine if we're not let out of the house to play once in a while. And the Number One Way You and I Are Alike... Inside Verse: 1. Given a choice, we'd rather just lie around and do nothing but eat and sleep all day. (I'm up for that if you are!) Happy Father's Day From the Dog
Cover Verse: Top Ten Most Frequently Used Dad Phrases 10. Quit tyin' up the bathroom! 9. Get off the darn phone! 8. Give it a little gas... No...! Brake! Braaaake!! 7. You're not leaving this house dressed like that! 6. It's gonna cost HOW much?!? 5. Who turned up the thermostat?!? 4. When I was your age, I had to walk through three feet of snow to get to school! 3. If you don't knock it off, I'm gonna turn this car around and take you right back home! 2. Don't make me come up there!! And the Number One Most Frequently Used Dad Phrase Is... Inside Verse: Go ask your mother! (Was there ever any doubt?) Happy Father's Day, Dad
Cover Verse: This is a man's card -- a manly card for men -- manly men who know what it is to be a man... to hunt and fish and drive big trucks and spit and use tools and do things outdoors with other men -- manly things, done in a manly way. Inside Verse: ...isn't it pretty? Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: Knock! Knock! Who's there? Betty! Betty who? Inside Verse: Betty watch out, Betty not cry, Betty not pout, I'm telling you why... 'cause it's Christmas, Alyssa -- the season to be JOLLY! Hope Your Christmas is Lots of Fun!
Cover Verse: For Our Boss, Tim Woodlawn Something that doesn't have to be... SUPERVISED, FED BACK, CONTROLLED or DIRECTED, BRAINSTORMED or CANCELED, OKAYED or CORRECTED... Inside Verse: SIGNED or ASSIGNED, REPORTED ON, VOTED, PRESENTED IN CONFERENCE, TALLIED or NOTED... It's just a big wish, and all YOU have to do Is enjoy a fine Christmas and great New Year, too! Happy Holidays from John, Dave, Mary, Lynn, and Pete
Cover Verse: Psychologists have determined that the way you eat Easter jellybeans can reveal your personality. If you eat all your favorites first, you live for the moment and like instant gratification. If you save your favorites for last, you're a self-disciplined person -- maybe too self-disciplined -- as you plan for a future that may never arrive. Inside Verse: If you eat them in no particular order, you take life as it comes. You make no effort to control your own destiny. Perhaps your lackadaisical attitude has created chaos in your once contented and organized life...! Wait a minute! Who cares what a bunch of headshrinkers say? In fact, why eat jellybeans when you can go for the chocolate rabbit? Oh. And have a Happy Easter.
Cover Verse: To a Guy Named Scott on His Birthday When pictures from your childhood Are in faded black and white, When people start to notice That youve lost an inch of height... When instead of breaking hearts, Youre breaking wind and both your hips, When you get a coronary Every time the market dips... Inside Verse: When all your favorite athletes are retired and overweight, When your closets filled with clothing Thats absurdly out of date... When your bladder starts behaving Like the falls up in Niagara, When you just cant get aroused Without the wonder-drug Viagra... When all these things start happening, Dont let it wreck your mood... Its natures way of telling you Youre one maturing dude! (Notice how I didnt say old?) Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: A Birthday Question for You, Ashley If two birthday cakes were walking down the street, and one cake was walking at 2 mph, the other one at 3 mph, at what point would the cakes be exactly 100 feet apart from one another? Inside Verse: CAKES DON'T WALK, YA MORON!!
Cover Verse: According to a recent study, the older a woman gets, the more likely she is to fantasize about having two men... Inside Verse: One to cook and one to clean. Keep dreamin', and have a happy birthday, Karen!!
Cover Verse: For Courtney's Birthday Top 10 Reasons Being a Kid Rocks! 10. Playing your own CD's -- really LOUD! 9. You know more about computers than most adults. 8. Staying up late. (At least on weekends.) 7. Two words: JUNK FOOD! 6. Super strong thumbs from playing video games. 5. Knowing a lot of really good, really gross jokes. 4. Burping contests -- the sport of champions. 3. Summer vacation, anyone? 2. Watching a movie so many times you know all the words. And the Number 1 Reason Being a Kid Rocks... Inside Verse: 1. Laughing until cake comes out of your nose! Have a Great Birthday!
Cover Verse: A Graduation Riddle for Jeremy: What's the difference between a hospital gown... and a graduation gown? Inside Verse: One has a bare ass sticking out of the back, and one has a smart ass sticking out of the top. Congratulations
Cover Verse: Happy Birthday to our Son, Carl, who is great-looking, talented, witty, charming, intelligent, and an all-around wonderful human being! Inside Verse: You can thank us later for the good genes. Have a Good One!
Cover Verse: Good-bye from All of Us We wanted to have an airplane fly our good-bye message across the sky... Inside Verse: ...but this is all we could afford. We'll Sure Miss You,Todd Good-bye and Good Luck from Stu, Mark, Mike, and Vicki
Cover Verse: TOP TEN REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A MAN 10. You can open all your own jars. 9. Your underwear is ten bucks for a 3-pack. 8. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me." 7. You don't have to get out of the shower to pee. 6. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 5. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. 4. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 3. You can get by with only one hairstyle change every ten years. 2. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit - you just become better friends. AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON IT'S GREAT TO BE A MAN... Inside Verse: THE OLDER YOU GET, THE MORE YOU FART! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRUCE!
Cover Verse: From All of Us A Farewell Ode We're sorry that you have to go -- this place won't be the same. Is someone here responsible? we must know who's to blame! Inside Verse: We sure will miss you when you're gone -- it's tough to say good-bye, (If this is wet and cried upon, you needn't ask us why.) We hope you'll keep in touch with us by e-mail, phone, or writing -- Or maybe singing telegrams (now THAT would be exciting)... We'd like to add just one more thought as you leave us behind... Although you'll soon be out of site, you won't be out of mind!
Cover Verse: On your birthday, Colleen Id like to remind you that there are six stages in a woman's life: Stage 1 Baby Stage 2 Girl Stage 3 Teenager Stage 4 Young Woman Inside Verse: Stage 5 Young Woman Stage 6 Young Woman Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: Hey Frank, there's a party, and you're invited! Inside Verse: Kinda gives you a reason to go on living, doesn't it? Friday Night, September 23rd 7:00 p.m. Pizza and Beer at Sharon's (You bring the beer!) 555-3345
Cover Verse: Top Ten Signs You're Getting Older, Roberta: 10.You don't even TRY to be cool anymore. 9.Auto insurance is so darn cheap now! 8.You recently uttered the words, "Hey, you kids! Turn down that music!" 7.People are starting to ask you how things were "in your day." 6.Cake and ice cream give you indigestion. 5.You remember when gasoline cost a dollar a gallon. 4.WHAT? What'd you say? HUH? 3.Your face has finally cleared up. 2.You tell stories about WALKING to school. AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE GETTING OLDER... Inside Verse: You've got more friends now than ever before! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Cover Verse: To Mom and Pop -- a lively, young couple who felt that together they could take on anything! Inside Verse: That is, until I was born and put you right back in your place. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad
Cover Verse: How Dogs Celebrate Birthdays 1. Rise at 5:30 a.m. Wet-nose the master. 2. Go out and pee on the world. 3. Make poopy. 4. Sniff poopy. 5. Seriously think about eating poopy. 6. Eat funny- looking bug instead. 7. Throw up bug parts on living room rug. 8. Drink out of magic well. 9. Sleep for 17 hours. Start all over again. Inside Verse: Brian, hope your birthday is just as much fun! (Except for the poopy thing.)
Cover Verse: How Cats Celebrate Birthdays 1. Rise at first light. Sit on owners face until they wake up. 2. Loudly demand breakfast be served. 3. Shun two kinds of cat food. 4. Visit magic box. Find conditions unacceptable. 5. Enjoy private time behind sofa. 6. Practice 'ol yoga stretches. 7. Hork hair ball in secret hiding place. 8. Stare at wall. Pretend to see something owner cannot. 9. Sleep for 18 hours. Start all over again. Inside Verse: Justine, hope your birthday is just as much fun!
Cover Verse: Frank, I dreamed of winning a lottery, but the money never appeared... I dreamed of sailing around the world, but never persevered... I dreamed of inheriting millions, but no millionaire came through... Inside Verse: I dreamed I'd marry a wonderful guy... And guess what? My dreams came true! Happy Birthday, Frank!
Cover Verse: I'm thankful for many things, Dorothy. The way you feed me. The way you pet me. The way you clean my litter box. But most of all, I'm thankful for... Inside Verse: ...the way I have you trained. Happy Thanksgiving, from Whiskers
Cover Verse: I want to wish you a Happy Birthday, Terry! And believe me... Inside Verse: that's no bull! Nope. It's just a cow. Bulls have a...well, you know...a thing between...Oh heck...trust me -- it's no bull.
Cover Verse: Chris, I was just standing here thinking of you, and wondering if you were thinking of me, and if so, were you thinking of me thinking of you... Inside Verse: ...and I got so mixed up, I forgot why I'm sending you this card!
Cover Verse: This is a Greeting Card (gret'ing kard) Directions for Use: 1. Read cover. 2. Place right thumb between pages. 3. Open with left hand. Inside Verse: Directions for Use (cont.): 4. Think about the nice person who sent you this. (See signature.) 5. Smile. 6. Have a nice day, Keith!
Cover Verse: Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Inside Verse: Teach a man to fish, and he'll spend thousands of dollars on fishing gear and tackle, spend countless hours waiting to catch a few pathetic fish, and bore everybody he knows with tiresome stories about the one that got away. Happy Birthday to a "reel" man.
Cover Verse: Adrian, you've still got bladder control and most of your original teeth! Inside Verse: The older you get, the harder it becomes for me to think of something positive to tell you. Anyway, Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: If Teenagers Ruled the World Every home would have three phone lines. Parents would never weird out in front of their kid's friends. Every driver's license would include a free sports car. Bedrooms would be self-cleaning. Curfews would be illegal. Inside Verse: Hope all your dreams come true, Andy. Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: Georgia's Personal Guide to Doctorspeak What Your Doctor Says: What Your Doctor Means: I'd like to run a few more tests. (I want the sunroof option for my new sports car.) Please make a follow-up appointment. (I'd also like the CD player with the five-disc changer.) Bend over. Bend over. (Hey, some things are bad enough without some deeper meaning.) The nurse will take over from here. (I'm late for my tee-off time.) You'll feel some slight discomfort. (This is gonna hurt like hell.) Hmmm... that's interesting... (What the heck is THAT?) This is a highly treatable disease. (How much insurance do you have?) Inside Verse: What This Card Says: Hope you're better soon, Jerry! What This Card Means: Hope you're better soon, Jerry!
Cover Verse: Jack, I was going to send you a check for your birthday, but I have a male and a female cat, and one of them got hold of it and ate it, and as far as I can figure out... Inside Verse: ...your check's in the male!
Cover Verse: Jaime, birthdays are a time to ask yourself the Big Questions in life... Inside Verse: ...like, "How many pieces of cake can I eat and still fit into my underpants tomorrow?" Happy Birthday!
Cover Verse: People Have the Darndest Accidents, Julia Some slip on bananas Or fall through thin ice, Hammer their thumbs Or get pinched in a vise. Some walk into manholes Or fall out of bed, Ski into trees Or get bopped on the head. Inside Verse: But whatever it was That just happened to you, Hope that real soon You'll be fixed up like new! Get Well Soon!
Cover Verse: Get in there and Fight, Fight, Fight! You've got the will! You've got the might! You can do it! Yes, you can! Boola! Boola! You da man! Go, Danny! Inside Verse: Just think of me as your very own personal cheerleader. But I'm not going to wear one of those short little skirts or tight sweaters for anything. Pompoms are cool, though.
Cover Verse: Jordan, here's something to do on your 13th Birthday -- Write yourself a letter about what you expect to be doing 10 years from now, and then put it somewhere where it won't be disturbed for the next decade... Inside Verse: Like, say, under the pile of clothes on your bedroom floor. Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: Billy, Happy Birthday from the Dog I just love to send cards! Inside Verse: Well, actually, I just like to lick envelopes... and stamps... ...myself... ...the floor... Anyway, Happy Birthday from:
Cover Verse: Rick, I can't tell you why your birthday card is late without compromising a highly sensitive covert field operation directed by the FBI. Inside Verse: The story I'm using is simply that I forgot it. If anyone asks, that's what happened. (wink wink) Happy Belated Birthday
Cover Verse: To My Work Buddy, Liz Let me treat you to lunch for your birthday! Inside Verse: So, what'll it be - candy bar, chips, pretzels... anything from the vending machine - just name it! Happy Birthday
Whether you're typing, word-processing, or writing longhand, the old-fashioned way, personalized stationery is a nice way to express yourself and impress your correspondent. You'll need: Paper, 8 1/2 x 11 inches. Use plain white paper, colored paper, or preprinted stationery stock. Directions: 1. Click on Personalize Your Project to open the Create & Print workspace. 2. Personalize the text. Select the text to write over it or change size, color, and font style. 3. For additional pages, click Add Page and follow the directions. 4. Print your project. Tips: Choose a stationery style that fits your mood -- whimsical, happy, serious, etc. Formal stationery traditionally includes the writer's name and contact information, but don't feel restricted to that. Specially chosen pictures and quotations can make your stationery uniquely yours. Many stationery projects have coordinating envelopes, labels, or stickers you can Create & Print as well. You may want to save your favorite stationery so that you can make more. Click Save and follow the directions.
Cover Verse: Before you cut your birthday cake, Micky, which party nose would you rather wear? (choose one) #1 ugly nose #3 funny nose #4 cute nose #2 hairy nose Inside Verse: Now that you've finished picking your nose, wash your hands and have a piece of cake!
Cover Verse: Thimon Thez, "Have a Happy Birthday, Barbara!" Thimon Thez, "Do thomething nice for yourthelf today, Barbara!" Now open thith card and take out the fifty-dollar bill! Inside Verse: Uh, oh! You didn't wait for Thimon Thez!