printable card: One Maturing Dude greeting card

complete verse:

Cover Verse:

To a Guy Named Scott
on His
Birthday

When pictures
from your
childhood
Are in faded
black and white,
When people
start to notice
That you’ve lost
an inch of height...

When instead
of breaking hearts,
You’re breaking wind
and both your hips,
When you get
a coronary
Every time
the market dips...

Inside Verse:

When all your favorite athletes
are retired and overweight,
When your closet’s filled with clothing
That’s absurdly out of date...

When your bladder starts behaving
Like the falls up in Niagara,
When you just can’t get aroused
Without the wonder-drug Viagra®...

When all these things start happening,
Don’t let it wreck your mood...
It’s nature’s way of telling you
You’re one maturing dude!

(Notice how I didn’t say “old”?)

Happy Birthday