Cover Verse: To a Guy Named Scott on His Birthday When pictures from your childhood Are in faded black and white, When people start to notice That youve lost an inch of height... When instead of breaking hearts, Youre breaking wind and both your hips, When you get a coronary Every time the market dips... Inside Verse: When all your favorite athletes are retired and overweight, When your closets filled with clothing Thats absurdly out of date... When your bladder starts behaving Like the falls up in Niagara, When you just cant get aroused Without the wonder-drug Viagra®... When all these things start happening, Dont let it wreck your mood... Its natures way of telling you Youre one maturing dude! (Notice how I didnt say old?) Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: Adrian, you've still got bladder control and most of your original teeth! Inside Verse: The older you get, the harder it becomes for me to think of something positive to tell you. Anyway, Happy Birthday
Cover Verse: Top Ten Signs Youre Getting Older, Roberta: 10.You dont even TRY to be cool anymore. 9.Auto insurance is so darn cheap now! 8.You recently uttered the words, Hey, you kids! Turn down that music! 7.People are starting to ask you how things were in your day. 6.Cake and ice cream give you indigestion. 5.You remember when gasoline cost a dollar a gallon. 4.WHAT? Whatd you say? HUH? 3.Your face has finally cleared up. 2.You tell stories about WALKING to school. AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE GETTING OLDER... Inside Verse: Youve got more friends now than ever before! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!