A sympathy card is a wonderful expression of support for a person who is grieving. Yet, at a time when we want to be the most comforting and caring, and say just the right thing, we are also often the most unsure of what to write in a sympathy card.

While sometimes it’s fine to keep our words simple, such as “So sorry for your loss,” there are also times when we’d really like to say much more. Here are some thoughts on this sensitive subject, and some ideas on what is helpful to say.

Before you write your message in a card, think about the person you are sending it to, and how personal you’d like it to be. Equally important is considering the loved one who has died. Did you know the person, too? If so, it’s nice to include a fond memory of them in your message. Or perhaps they had an endearing quality, such as a wonderful laugh. For example, you might include, “I’ll always remember the time we…” or, “Her laughter always made me feel…” Also, even if you didn’t know the deceased, use their name in your message no matter whether you’re sending a sympathy greeting card or a sympathy ecard.

Extra touches in the card are also very thoughtful. Do you have a photo of the deceased that might make the recipient smile? Or, if you feel it’s appropriate, include a Bible verse or inspirational quote.

Remember, whether you knew the deceased or not, the most important thing is to let the bereaved know you care. A personal message—sincere and from the heart—is the perfect way to do just that.