Top 5 Excuses for Missing Your Birthday 5. The string I tied around my finger (so I wouldn't forget) came off in the shower. 4. The video of my cat playing the piano went viral, and I thought I was too good for my old acquaintances. 3. I was busy taking a bullet for the president. 2. I was putting on a puppet show for neighborhood kids, and they insisted on several encores. And the number one reason: I'm the worst. Anyway, Happy Birthday!
Top Ten Reasons that this Birthday Greeting Is Late 10. I was out collecting cans and bottles along the roadside and welltime just flew. 9. I took a bullet for the president and have just regained consciousness. 8. I didn't want to be the first to remind you that you're another year closer to the big sleep. 7. Just gave birth to septuplets. 6. I was busy conducting sensitive negotiations that may, at long last, bring peace to our troubled planet. 5. I've just emerged from surfing on the internet, non-stop, for 359 days. (I think that's a record.) 4. I'm tired...I'm so very tired. 3. I was arrested after getting into the express lane with 13 items. 2. I was stricken with a very specific form of amnesia that affected only my ability to remember birthdays. And the number one reason this birthday greeting is late... I'm thoughtless and I don't deserve to live. (It may sound harsh, but it needed to be said.) Happy Belated Birthday!
How I tried to remember your birthday! I wrote the date upon my hand and also in a planner. I hired a plane to jog my brain by pulling a great big banner. I taped your picture on the fridge so thoughts of you would linger. And finally, I found some string . . . and tied it to my finger. But I must've tied it too tight, 'cause I cut off my circulation, passed out, and didn't come to until your birthday was over. Happy Belated!