This Mother's Day, you deserve a dip in a warm pool with the hunk of your choice to sing your praises. Just choose which hunk you'd like and click on their name to schedule your bath. Sorry, is booked up, but Morty is available. Happy Mother's Day!
I heard you're not feeling great, so I thought you should meet, Will, the e-male nurse. Time for another sponge bath. This warm oil massage ought to improve your circulation. Would you like a gin chaser for your four o'clock meds? Into bed with you, right now! I'll just take off my shirt and help you with that crossword puzzle. Get Will soon.
Welcome to the world of Grandparenting! It's probably been a while since you burped your last baby, so now is a good time to see what you remember from those joyful days of caring for a newborn. Just answer the following questions to determine what kind of grandmother you're going to be. But hurry... you'll be getting that call to baby-sit any day now! When a newborn cries, the best thing to do is: a) cradle baby in your arms b) check baby's diaper c) give baby a bottle d) turn up the volume on Oprah. The ideal way to test a bottle is to: a) dab the contents on your wrist b) grasp it in the palm of your hand c) use a kitchen thermometer d) remove the cork and take a swig. You can always stimulate a baby by: a) attaching a mobile to a baby's crib b) talking to baby with puppets c) playing classical music for baby d) wearing that awful polka dot dress of yours. To properly dispose of a diaper, place it in: a) the laundry basket b) a trash can c) the diaper service receptacle d) the bag that goes home with baby. In order to keep large, dangerous objects away from baby, you must: a) do a thorough inspection of your home b) keep decorative items on top shelves c) lock cabinets that baby can reach d) duct tape your boobs. When it's time for baby to leave, you: a) collect baby's toys and put them in a bag b) bundle up baby in a blanket c) give baby one last kiss d) call a cab Score: 12 points: Congratulations! You are the perfect grandparent. Baby is going to LOVE you! 8-10 points: You're on the right track. With a little bit of practice, you'll make a fine grandma! 6 points: You might want to hire a nanny when the little one comes over. 2-4 points: Thank goodness this baby doesn't depend on your 24/7. 0 points: The results of this quiz have just been forwarded to the Child Welfare Board. Pack your bags, Granny!